A LETTER TO MY HEAVENLY MOM

Dear mom ,

I do miss your presence every day , every hour , every minute , every second .  I hate mother’s day , it makes me feel so unlucky . I feel really bad when i see my friends sharing secrets with their mom . Sometimes your memories hurt so much that i do feel like giving up . Loosing you was my greatest loss . It was like a nightmare .  I cried endlessly when u died but i promise , i won’t let the tears mar the smiles that you have given me when you were alive . I know your love is always with me . Loosing a mother is one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know . Today i am missing your presence so badly . Can you please come and hold me for a while , i m broken and shattered without you . Can you stay with me for a while . I really need you .

Mom , your death has made me realize that every single second we spent together , i wasted an  opportunity to tell you how much i loved you . Yes , i am strong because a strong woman raised me . Things have changed so much after you left . I have became so sensitive and introvert . Even a little thing hurts me a lot . Sometimes tolerating me is next to impossible . After you left , loneliness has always been with me . I am so agressive .  The moments i spended with you are worth remembering and unforgettable .  Without you i am incomplete . I miss all the love and care you gave me . My world felt apart  when you died . I miss my grand birthdays we used to celebrate together . Its been more than 10 years , no one ever celebrated my birthday like you used to celebrate . I miss your food .  I miss you . I wish you were here . I can tell you a mother is irreplacable for a child .  When a mother dies , her child is no longer whole . The loss makes it hard to breathe . Every day waking up and remembering you were dead was the hardest point of each day . Each night haunted me with your thoughts . For a long time , my heart was unable to accept the fact that i lost you . Everyone was sorry for me , no one was able to understand what phase i was going through . No one in this world seemed to be able to understand the heartbreak and loss i was experiencing .

In that situation talking helps , writing helps, crying helps . Sometimes breaking things help too . But bottling  things up doesn’t . Pretending you are OK doesn’t either . I have learned that we do not get over the death of a mother but we do get more used to it . That might sound sad but that’s true .

But i promise to you that i will always have a smile on my face while remembering you . You are always on my mind and in my heart . I will be as strong as you were . I wish each time when i will be born i will get a chance to be your daughter and please that time don’t leave me alone in the starting of my journey .

YOUR LOVING  DAUGHTER .

 

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